Couples who savor happy moments together have stronger, longer-lasting relationships

"Savoring involves slowing down to become aware of and focus on positive experiences," said first author Noah Larsen, a graduate student at Illinois. "Savoring can occur when we reminisce on a past experience, focus on the present moment or look ahead to a future experience."

Previous studies have shown that savoring benefits individuals. Larsen and his colleagues, Illinois human development and family studies professors Allen W. Barton and Brian G. Ogolsky, wanted to see what happens when couples practice savoring together as a shared activity. The participants were drawn from a larger project examining resilience in romantic relationships.

Study of Joint Savoring in Romantic Relationships

The research included 589 adults from across the United States who completed an online survey. The questionnaire measured how often they and their partners intentionally appreciated positive experiences in their relationship. Researchers used a scale called Joint Savoring in Romantic Relationships, adapted from the widely used Savoring Beliefs Inventory, which assesses how individuals savor positive moments.

Participants also answered questions about how satisfied they felt with their spouse or significant other, how much conflict they experienced in communication, and how confident they were that their relationship would last.

The survey assessed stress as well. Participants reported how frequently during the past month they felt in control of their responsibilities or, on the other hand, overwhelmed by what they had to handle. They also rated their overall quality of life, general health, and psychological distress.

Who Took Part in the Study

Of the 589 respondents, more than 85% were married, around 10% were engaged, and 4% were in committed dating relationships. Their partners did not participate in the survey. The average age was about 39. Slightly more than half were women, more than 85% were white, and the typical household income ranged from $85,000 to $95,000.

Overall, participants reported relatively high levels of both individual savoring and joint savoring, along with generally low stress levels.

How Savoring Buffers Relationship Stress

"We found that joint savoring has the most benefits for romantic relationships, as well as secondary benefits for individuals' health and well-being," Larsen said. "Specifically, individuals who engaged in more joint savoring with their partners reported less conflict with them, more satisfaction with their relationship and more confidence in their future together."

The protective effect was especially noticeable among couples facing higher stress. "When couples face greater stress, savoring can serve as a buffer, helping protect their confidence in their relationship and their mental health," Larsen said.

"Being able to identify factors that provide this type of buffering effect is important for marriage and romantic relationships, as they provide tangible things that couples can do to keep their relationship strong, even in the midst of heightened levels of stress," Barton said.

The researchers noted that intentionally focusing on shared positive experiences can serve as a practical strategy for maintaining or strengthening a relationship.

A Simple Weekly Habit for Stronger Love

"We all are busy and have so many things going on in our day-to-day lives," Larsen said. "Finding time -- even just once a week -- to slow down, be present with your partner and talk about positive experiences in your relationship or focus on something you both enjoy can really benefit you as a couple. That might be reminiscing about a memory from earlier in your relationship, enjoying a dinner together or talking about an upcoming event that you both are excited about. And if you are going through a stressful time, making time for these conversations can be especially important."