Manliness concerns impede forgiveness of coworkers

The more men are concerned about appearing masculine, the less likely they will forgive a co-worker for a transgression such as missing an important meeting, because they view forgiveness as a feminine trait, Haselhuhn and his co-author, Margaret E. Ormiston of George Washington University, found.

What's more, men who are not inclined to forgive are also more likely seek revenge or avoid the transgressor, which contributes to an unhealthy and less effective work environment, the research found. They also view men who forgive as unmanly.

Haselhuhn and Ormiston, however, also found that a simple intervention can reduce unforgiving impacts of masculinity concerns. Study participants who were sensitive about their masculinity became more willing to forgive after they had a chance to describe a couple experiences in which they felt they acted as real men.

The researchers went into the study knowing that men tend to be less forgiving than women, and that those who forgive tend to be warmer, and more communal and nurturing, which are stereotypically feminine traits, said Haselhuhn of UCR's School of Business.

"So, we hypothesized that forgiveness carries some gendered implications, and perhaps people who forgive are perceived as more feminine and less masculine," Haselhuhn said. "And if that's the case, men who are really concerned about appearing like real men should be the people who are least likely to forgive."

The study was based on tasks performed by more than 800 participants. The researchers determined men's sense of masculinity by having them score the stress levels of situations that could challenge their manhood. Examples included having their wife earn more money than they do, losing a sports competition, or having their child see them cry.

The participants then played out scenarios in which a co-worker committed a transgression, such as missing an important meeting with a client that compelled the client to go elsewhere and were asked if they would forgive the co-worker. As hypothesized, the men who were worried about maintaining their masculinity were less likely to forgive.

"The more concerned they were about maintaining their masculinity," Haselhuhn said, "the more they wanted to take revenge against the coworker, which you can imagine in the workplace is not such a good thing, and the more they want to avoid the coworker."

Yet, men concerned about their manhood become more forgiving when first given the opportunity to describe two experiences that made them feel like real men. Out came tales of scoring touchdowns, outdoing competitors, and sexual prowess.

Interestingly, the men who were asked to describe 10 such manly memories had trouble recalling that many, became a bit frustrated -- and remained less forgiving than those asked to describe just two, the researchers found.

The study -- "Fragility and Forgiveness: Masculinity Concerns Affect Men's Willingness to Forgive" -- was published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. It adds to a body of research that can help us better get along with each other, Haselhuhn said.

"When you forgive, it improves your mental health," Haselhuhn said. "It improves your physical health. Obviously, it improves your relationships with others as opposed to trying to take revenge on the person who wronged you, or just ignoring them and avoiding them, and things like that. Forgiveness has a ton of benefits."